Well I'm in this place of WTF happened again. I love my kids truly I do. But I also love sleeping late and the fact that my kids are potty trained and can communicate without crying. Well guess what I'm having baby number 3. I almost laugh as I'm typing I don't know how I'm going to go back to diapers and daycare that's like $600 a month. Tommy is thrilled and can't wait. I wonder is that because he's not going to gain any dame weight or maybe the fact that he's not gonna feel one fucking contraction. I'm maybe 3months and I can't sleep in my bed instead I put a mattress on the floor and find some sort of comfort...Yes i said the floor and I feel like I just got off a roller coaster every other hour. When I put my feelings of pregnant crazy lady aside hormones and all I can remember the sweet smell of baby breathe opposed to the funk of a 6 and 12 yrs olds. I can remember the baby talk the cooing and the feeling that having them was the right one.Those 1st baby pictures and the special first of everything.Keep in mind I had my first son 1 month after I turned 21 and i feel like I was all of twelve. Now I'm more like 33 and I feel way to old to be having babies. Abortions are a thing of the past and this time around I had to involve someone else in my decision process to have this baby. After lots of fighting and crying and soul searching I'm on board, still sick as a dog and praying for a good day. Just one goodnight of sleep or enough energy to clean the house in one swoop instead of a two day project. All I need is one good day maybe that will help me gain some much needed momentum.
