2 sides

Sometimes the fire that burns inside me is like a raging inferno but others I'm content not doing a dame thing and could care less about 2mrw. What happened why from one extreme to the next makes a girl wonder. Sometime I wanna be super wifey cook clean and tryin to meet his every need and then other times I feel like get it ya dame self. Sometime I wanna ripe his clothes off and get a quickie and other times the thought seems like work itself. I hope I'm not alone in this world of far left then switch back to the right. Sometime I want to be around my kids all the time reading books playing and planning there future( so I think) we all laugh about it. Then other time I want complete silence and they better not knock on my door one more dame time. Is it a womans conflicted thingor just another angle to being honest with myself. How can I expect somebody to know what I want when its forever changing. Well I guess they better just pay close attention and get in where u might fit for that day. Crazy maybe but 100% me. Take it or leave it and my man decided to take it I have moments of gratefulness then moments when I could care less. Sometimes I wanna eat healthy grilled salmon spinach salad and lemon water and the next I want a big bueford chicken form checker and a big greasy ass fry topped off with a LG diet coke. I crack myself up . Well that a peek into the sides of me.take it or leave it

COME on PEOPLE

I've come to the conclusion that its easier to tell the truth. I guess lying is a true art form lets face it u have to keep track of who u told what to and keep the stories straight. The mere thought of the dumbness just cracks me up when I think about people and all the manipulation that goes on and most of the time it's obvious as hell. Most of us aren't that exciting and I'm OK with that but enough already b who God says u are and that's more than enough. Trust me when I tell u most people can tell when u lie but they're to embarrassed for u to call u on it. Good nite folks be honest DAME

Not Yet

I didn't get into the nursing program I wanted and did that hurt so dang on bad. I cried and cried for what seemed like hours. Eventually I got it together and started thinking about the reason I didn't get in was it my science GPA or the placement testing where the hell did ya girl drop the ball. So I called the school and asked and she told me that I should apply to Jefferson Nursing program and study hard for the entrance exam. I never even considered Jefferson because I thought my grades werent good enough or my money wasn't long enough. What did this white woman see in me that I didn't see in myself. dame was I missing something. So I went back to my science GPA it was 3.2 not the best but I consider it pretty good when u think about how rough the classes are. I mean they make u wanna snap on somebody. The college told me that it wasn't that I wasn't a good candidate it simply meant that someone was better qualified. Dame again. So I'm not a lost cause and if I'm gonna give up off of 1 acceptance letter gone bad than maybe I didn't really want it after all. But I do so my mission is to find another nursing program that's accredited and worthy of my talents because lets face it I'm full of them. My boss will be thrilled to hear that I'm not going to Nursing school right now but what she doesn't know is that Gods delay is not a denial. I know for certain that I haven't been brought all this way for nothing and the end result is something that you are gonna definitely want to be a part of. I feel better now

Lookin up

My oldest boy got into the school that I really love and I am so excited.He's going into the 6th grade and I want him to start thinking about college.no I'm not psyco mom but I know the significance of a decent education. If I was more focused back then all the things I tryin to now would have been done and I could have been enjoying the fruits of my labor but now I'm just planting them. I want so much more for my boys and they know it. High school graduation is nothing I'm looking for the one that comes from a University/College. This new school is just full of energy and college bound in other schools they're just focused on getting kids reading on a certain level but here its about prepin for the future. Education and my boyz are a marriage made in heaven..lol.. Today around 12 I take my placement test for the Nursing Program a tad scared but I know I'll be just fine. The crazy part is its computerized so right after I'm done I'll know my score.Breathe easy right.I cant.For me its the time in my life where I'm getting to do the very thing I've been working years to do. So of course I'm nervous but don't mistake it for weakness. I'm a smart girl and I work hard for things that are important to me and those that don't make the cut oh well.

Just Urked

I'm feeling alone in a house full of my family

I'm angry when we should all be laughing

my moods are all wrong and jacked up.

one min hot one min cold..

Who know maybe tomorrow will be the place I find that one thing thats gonns turn my funk all around.

A girl can pray can't she

..........thank you...........AMEN

On the Way ^

I can crawl into bed and feel safe and comfort which is given from my hubby. My hard entreuprenueareal hubby. He works so hard and worries.He need not worry because I know that He has a God given gift that will provide for his family. This time in our family is a major one because this is ground zero for us and we are rising at a speed that could be only Gods strength. The only difference this time is that prayer is a serious part of our journey. He's softer and more confiding then ever, He 's not the man I married but he's evolving into the man I rush home to tell my stories to.He's the man to hold me so I can cry until i can't say a word..only because he knows from time to time I need it.because he loves me ..when i need he gives..I'm his cheerleading just maybe not in a mini skirt just yet..lol.I can hear my kids laughing loudly but I'm okay because in my house thats just My Man and my boyz turning the living room into the wwf..But all things aside I've had enough of the drama and pain and now we are ready to move into our destiny as a family of faith..Stay tuned and witness the miracle..I promise I wont get to busy to update everyone on the testimonies and endless blessings....Continue to grow in Christ.

2009 To Do List

1. Start nursing school
2. Quit my job
3. Lose 40 pounds
4. Travel W/ hubby to Jamaica,Bahamas
5. Go to Cancun
6. Love like never before
7. Spiritual fast for 1 week
8. Visit Uncle in Texas
9. Walk in the rain (not worring about my hair)
10. Develop a closer relationship w/ my biological Dad
11. Buy a house that I am in LOVE with
12. Family vacation to the SOUTH
13. Go to a musical
14. Visit the Grand Canyon
15. Continue to be supportive of hubby business
16. Pay off car
17. Go all day naked..lol
18. 1 hour long massage
19. Visit the Philadelphia Zoo
20. Treat myself to a spa

Married Folk

If anyone would have asked me this time last year if I'd still be married today my answer would have been a heck no for sure. Well maybe a h#ll no. We had divorce papers notaried and our own thought out custody arrangement, so when I say we were thru we both believed it at the time..We tried everything we could first it was the fighting and yelling then we moved onto the silence then couseling then more silence. I think we both reached a point when re relized that WE couldnt do it by ourselves and if our marriage was ever gonna be somethng worth having then it could only be done by God because the two of us were destoying one another slowly but surely. We got used to tearing each other down in subtle ways. Now we are learning to accept compliments and encouragement from one another. A friend told me to pray for god to bring other Christian married couples into our lives and thats exactly whats happening. We pray at least twice a day together and the difference is crystal clear. I feel covered by Gods grace and I wouldnt change that for anything. We still disagree and are far from perfect but we do things out of a love for God. Theres a spiritual maturity taking place and I think I'm starting to like trusting and believing in my husband. He's not perfect but he's mine and God is continuing to do a mighty work in the both of us. All that is to say be encouraged married folk God makes a way when u cant see it as being even possible. Just remember to tell others of the good news. Until next time be encouraged.

Evolving

Tonight around 10pm God put together a group that was made especially for this nite) we went underground to feed the homeless.

Sure I knew they existed but something happened when I saw first hand the amount of young people who were sleeping on the concrete and dumping trash cans so they could use it as a blanket. We gave out food and prayer to all who needed it. The story gets better I found myself doing along side a group of wonderful God loving people. There was no fakness about it there love was real they spoke of God the way I think he should always be referred to. There was a since of comfort that I cant explain all I can tell u is that after tonigth I am forever changed. My life may not be exactly as I planned but I know God has something far greater in the making if I just hold fast to his teachings. I got so much encouragement tonight not just on my consistency with talking to God but not being afraid to proclaim his name. If he's done all that u know he has for you why wont you tell others. Why am I sometimes shy to tell of the things that God has blessed me with. Why do I put "I" when it should be God. I don't just have a job.. God blessed me with a Good job. I don't just have 2 kids. Gods trusted me to raise up children in his word. I have so much to praise God for that I could stand on the roof top and truly proclaim it. But until tonight I felt uncomfortable but that's gone tomorrow is a Bran new day and I look forward to God waking me up. My children spent the night with my parents and I cant wait to kiss and hug them 1st thing in the morning..I am going to share the good works of my God. He is worthy and deserving of our everlasting praise